THE DEAD CRUSADE

Battle 4 Story: Marzbarz & La Viet vs Vin Skizzle & Zennarch

The slaying of the Skizzle

From Marzbarz log, Marz-date 4.

(As dictated to puny slaves using special Marzbarz squeak and scribe. To be read by all pups during time of Marzbarz Empire-ship to inspire them to grow big and be as mighty as Marzbarz (note – this not possible! Ha!))

Bloodfist not long dead, Marzbarz plans already going well! Behold the greatness of Marzbarz.

Marzbarz decide to begin grand enterprise by eliminating other stupid, cowardly Skaven warlords who may tell vicious falsehoods about how many Elves and Dwarves Marzbarz kill in great battle. First: Vin Skizzle. Skizzle weak and foolish, but wise for Marzbarz to approach with caution nonetheless. Marzbarz cunningly split army into smaller forces to look for Vin Skizzle better, send them away. Marzbarz remain and wait for news in cosy warm burrow and coordinate next move.

Soon Marzbarz scouts find army. Not Vin Skizzle – stupid scouts! Instead, army from old Marzbarz ally La Viet. Marzbarz parlay time. Marzbarz tell La Viet that he is greatest warlord in Kislev. La Viet give Marzbarz many funny looks, try to stroke Marzbarz fur. Maybe he and Marzbarz can reach a deal. Can send many men to help Marzbarz find Vin Skizzle in return for Marzbarz technological cleverness. Luckily Marzbarz cleverest of all, make sure this reiterated to La Viet several times. Marzbarz engineers can help build Pleasuredome (Marzbarz not know what this is but sounds a bit rubbish). La Viet send troops to kill Skizzle. Troops of La Viet much bigger than those of Marzbarz so this seem pretty good deal – La Viet obviously stupid. Marzbarz bestest negotiator.

Marzbarz feel pretty uncomfortable after meeting but not sure why. Probably Marzbarz bad breakfast. Breakfast-slaves clearly incompetent.

Marzbarz heads back to camp with big stompy warriors of La Viet along. Warriors smell funny but pretty damn big so this overlookable. Marzbarz busy himself with plans for a “Pleasuredome”. Just considering complex technical stuffs (too complex to explain) when what is this Marzbarz spots? it Vin Skizzle! Hooray! Hang on – Vin Skizzle not alone, hordes of dead humans there too plus big blood-drinky dead bloke on a horse! Not hooray. Pretty low of Skizzle to enlist help of non-Skaven for battle – although understandable as he must be quaking in boots at thought of facing Marzbarz despite all the threats he keeps shouting. Marzbarz quickly formulate plan:

1. Send fastest running Skaven through enemy line, bring back bulk of Marzbarz army to squish Vin Skizzle
2. Cheese it

Turn out Vin Skizzle have exactly the same plan! Obviously Vin Skizzle have a spy in Marzbarz camp to copy strategy. Curse you Vin Skizzle!

Luckily plan go well. Marzbarz set up heroically at the rear to stop any enemy messengers, unleash Marzbarz secret weapon – THE DOOMWHEEL. Doomwheel smash into massive horrible monster, fall over, explode. Hmm. New Marzbarz plan – throw all troops in front of blood-drinky knight. This work slightly better. See the power of Marzbarz giant rats! Ignore the cowardice of Marzbarz Skaven slaves!
On far flank Vin Skizzle leads suicide charge into La Viet heavy knights. Suicide charge indeed suicidal – Vin Skizzle chopped to bits. See how you fall into Marzbarz trap, Vin Skizzle! Foolish fool!

Unfortunately blood-drinky dead monster and massive abomination kill most of Marzbarz men. Time for Marzbarz tactical withdrawl. It ok though – messengers to main army have got through! Cunning plan works, enemy forces turn to run away now. Marzbarz is the victor!

What the hell is a Pleasuredome anyway?

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